Everyone tells you about the zucchini.
No one tells you about the zucchini advice. Because the minute you plant your wee little zucchini plants, you will be inundated with unsolicited advice on how to handle the massive amounts of zucchini that you don’t have yet.
I shall now pass this wisdom on to you, so that you may have a list of all the things you might do with large amounts of zucchini- should you be mysteriously gifted with someone else’s unwanted crop.
Which brings me to bullet point number one:
- Give your unwanted crop to someone else. This is a longstanding tradition in suburban areas, where someone wanting to start a garden may have been under the very incorrect assumption that one plant yields one fruit. Well, soccer mom, you are incorrect. Welcome zucchini hell- hope your friends are loyal, and they didn’t make the same mistakes you did.
- Thinly-sliced zucchini will freeze well.
- Matchstick-sliced zucchini will also freeze well.
- Zucchini Bread
- for use as a ballast
- Sliced and stir-fried
- Sliced and steamed with other vegetables
- Have you considered giving them to your neighbors?
- Make a relish out of shredded zucchini and carrots. Add radish if you’re feeling froggy.
- Grill them in olive oil with balsamic vinegar
- Feed them to the chickens and the pigs.
- Stuffed, fried zucchini flowers.
- Do consider bringing your spare zucchinis to queer meet-ups, because it is likely that your queer friends are in need of greens and fiber in their diet.
- wepon
- chocolate zucchini cake
- pickle them.
- Also minced. Minced will freeze well.
- Ratatouille.
- Zucchini Pancakes
- Zucchini Brownies
- Stuffed zucchini boat
- See that fool over there who left his car doors unlocked? I bet he’d love some zucchini.
- Greek Stuffed Zucchini
- Under the cover of night, take the seeds of your bountiful zucchini and plant them covertly on the property of your local bigoted politicians.
- Zucchini soups
- Zucchini noodles
- A lot of y’all are suggesting to compost the zucchinis. This is what you do if you want significantly more zucchinis next year.
- Sauteed with garlic, butter, pepper, and salt
- Grated zucchini freezes well also.
- Cheese and zucchini souffle (cheese souffle plus zucchini minced)
- Vegetable lasagna
- Zucchini compote (just slow cook the shit out of it)
- Zucchini quiche
- Swaddle your oversized zucchini like a baby and when your neighbor asks to hold the baby, throw it at her and run.
- Zucchini parmesan.
- Zucchini chips
- Breaded and fried zucchini
And I’m sure there’s tons more because zucchinis are a versatile starchy vegetable which means that they have endless possibilities. Use your imagination and build your new kingdom on courgettes. Bend them to your will.
And then eat them.
